Blog

Why Doesn't She Just Leave?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and in honor of this I wanted to do a blog post about one of the most pervasive, and detrimental, issues we have as a society when it comes to dealing with domestic violence (DV); victim blaming. The title of this post is "why doesn't she just leave?" (please note that I am just using the pronoun "she" for simplicity, but it could just as easily be "he" or "they"), because this is something I think we've all heard, or maybe even asked ourselves,...

The Power and Control Wheel

Friends. Family. Co-Workers. Bosses. Acquaintances. And even strangers... If you have ever questioned your reality, second-guessed your thought process, or constantly doubt yourself…chances are, you may have been a victim of psychological abuse 1 . As one of the many topics when referencing the “The Duluth Model: The Power and Control Wheel”, these methods are used, when abusing, and controlling, the mind, body, and spirit of another individual. Have you felt that you have been passively...

Domestic Violence in the Home: What Happens to Children?

Children are effected by domestic violence, whether noticed by parent's or not... Some say differently, arguing that the environment of the household, does not affect the result of the exposed child's wellbeing. However, studies show, that children exposed to households, harboring abusive behavior and relationships, are statistically more prone to mental health conditions, academic decline, and tendency to repeat abusive/violent behavior. Child witnesses of physical and sexual abuse can hear...

My Easy Way to Teach Body Safety

We've been winding down our summer here, three birthday parties under the belt and one more holiday weekend to go. Since it's the end of the season I've been looking at swimwear for my kiddos (because who doesn't need to save money next year by buying close outs this year, right?), and it always make me think of the first time I heard someone talk about "body safety rules". Body Safety Rules are a set of concepts or guidelines that everyone should know, and that can be taught to children at...

Saying "No"

We had a third birthday party for my son over the weekend, and the combination of "joyous occasion" and lots of random family members and friends reminded me of a very important concept. How many times have you seen someone (or possibly done this yourself) ask a child to show affection to someone they don't really know? And how many times have you seen that child being cajoled into giving that affection after they have declined either through body language (closing off the arms, turning...

Healthy Anger

"Healthy anger" may sound like an oxymoron, but it's actually an integral part of motivation, self-awareness, and healthy communication with others. June's topic is Healthy versus Toxic Relationships, so I'm getting a jump start on the month by talking about an important part of healthy relationships; Healthy Anger. Let's start off by talking about the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. Anger is an emotion, and our emotions are not bad or good. However, the way we express our...

Did You Know: Child Sexual Abuse and Prevention

When I watch TV shows like Dr. Phil, Iyanla Fix My Life, and My 600lb Life, I noticed that sexual abuse during childhood or adolescence is a common theme in many of the featured stories. The shows highlight sexual abuse as the source of a current problem that causes the person to engage in reckless behavior as an adult. I can’t help but wonder if the abused person would still have had the same problems if the sexual abuse had been reported when it occurred. It doesn’t matter the culture,...

Unbroken Angels and the Cycle of Abuse

Every 30 seconds a child is abused. In 1964 the United States began to pay closer attention to child abuse and neglect, thanks to President Nixon who signed the first Federal child protection legislation (CAPTA) which provides Federal assistance to states for the prevention, identification, and treatment programs for child abuse (childwelfare.gov). Since then, April has been recognized as National Child Abuse Prevention month. Despite the 53 years since the initiation of CAPTA, child abuse...

Male Survivors: Don't Be Afraid to Speak

Domestic violence has no preference, and every person has the potential to be a victim. Out of every three females that experience abuse, two males also experience abuse. Also, these statistics only revolve around cases of physical violence; they fail to mention cases of emotional and sexual abuse, which males can also be victims of. Although 40% of men experience abuse, only 13% of them seek help or use a hotline. On top of that, when men call the police on their abusers, a whopping 50% of...

What IS Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is incredibly damaging to one's self-esteem and confidence with side effects that may last longer than physical abuse. While physical abuse may appear in dramatic outbursts or tension, emotional abuse is mainly undetectable and elusive to capture. Similarly, in both cases, neither the abuser nor victim may notice the signs. Emotional and physical abuse can occur in any type of relationship, ranging from parents and children to friendships or relationships. It is considered by...

Break through the darkness and shine

Being angry and placing blame takes too much energy. It took me a long time to let it go. Everyone heals and handles things different, but the key is to know that it's not your fault. I was angry for awhile. Accepting the hurt and abuse caused by my loved ones wasn't easy, nor was the journey I was given. I used to feel that if I forgave people and chose happiness, it meant their behavior was justified. It's actually quite the opposite. And although I can forgive most, but not my father ...

What YesICAN Has To Offer Abuse Survivors

Yes ICAN: International Child Advocacy Network is an amazing organization which helps many survivors of abuse through education The mission of the organization is: working world-wide to break the silence and cycle of abuse. Yes ICAN believes that the only way we can prevent child abuse and domestic violence is to break the cycle of abused children growing up to become abusers or individuals who are unable to protect their children or themselves because they don't know how. The organization...

How to Have Healthy Relationships

Being in a relationship is a great experience. At first it is easy to get along, but after the “honeymoon” stage is over, the relationship changes and it takes more work to make the relationship work. To make a relationship work, and to make sure your relationship is healthy, there are steps both you and your partner should take. When you are in a relationship, try to promote healthy habits : like respecting each other and giving each other a healthy amount of space . It is tempting to spend...

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