Denial

Recently I have realized I have been in denial about my relationship. Because of this I have been floating through life, emotionless. The other night something pretty traumatic happened to me, I was a mess. He left me alone thinking thats what I wanted, but I needed someone to hold me. He did bring me some tylenol, water, and an ice pack for my headache from crying all night. The next morning I couldn't seem to get out of bed. My heart was to broken. He got angry because I didn't get up with our son. (He rarely helps me with him). So he went on to yell at me, making me feel degraded for needing his help sometimes. Under the covers he kept pinching me over and over again until I bruised and bled. Then he proceeded to throw the water he got me the previous night on my head while saying "You need me to get anything else for you little princess, YOU'RE FUCKING UNGRATEFUL!" I thought he brought me those things the night before out of the kindness of his heart, but the truth is he did it so he could have something to throw back in my face for needing him. The last few physical fights we've had I will just lie there staring into space, not moving, not fighting back. I think i have given up. Whenever he does these things I just shut off. His favorite words to call are stupid, cunt, bitch, and an ungrateful fucking bitch too. When I chose which forum I wanted to write for it had domestic violence underneath survivor, but I am not a survivor. No one even knows the extent of what he does to me. I have never called the police on him because he told me he would beat the shit out of me if I did. He also tells me it is okay as long as he doesn't punch me. He makes me feel like it is always my fault, and he never says sorry. He simply just doesn't care. We have been together for almost 8 years and have a 3 year old together. I have nowhere else to live, no money, and no family support. the only thing I have to hold unto is getting my degree so I don't need him anymore. i know that sounds bad but I will endure anything to make sure my son has a home. 

Original Post

Be careful how long you stay. There was always one more thing I needed before I left, and then my son was old enough to be fun to hang out with and his father got attached to him. Now he is 8 and the custody battle is intense, and I know it will financially ruin me. Don't stay so long that he "falls in love" with that little boy, if you go before his abnormal psyche has a chance to form an attachment to your son, you have a much better chance that he will leave you alone.

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