Domestic and family violence can occur across all race/ ethnic, gender, sexual orientation, religious and social-economical lines. Violence has become institutionalized in most cultures around the world over the last millennia. Many people throughout different cultures believe that women can be, and it is admissible to be, abused by men, primarily by their husbands. One in four families, one in four women and one in seven men will experience some Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), and about one in six women, and one in ten men are victims of sexual assault and abuse (RAINN).
There are a variety of different types of domestic violence that people can go through at the hands of someone they know or love. This is called Interpersonal Violence, which refers to the various forms of family and IPV, such as maltreatment, partner abuse, child abuse and elder abuse.
All too often the abuser uses a tactic called externalization to make you feel as if you deserve to be abused. They will say things such as, “you made me hit you,” and they say these things because they feel as if they are the victims themselves. Please know that this is not the case. Abusers are never justified in their actions. No one deserves to be hurt in the way that they hurt you.
There are a few different terms, or types of abuse within IPV. Common Couple Violence (CCV) otherwise known as expressive violence. CCV is a type of IPV that occurs with escalating emotional arousal between partners. This could be a fight or argument that is becoming more and more heated between the couple as it continues. This can result in a mild to moderate form of violence such as a push, slap, or throwing objects at each other. This is often followed by remorse, apologizes and talking through the event, seeking a change in their/your actions. This type of violence occurs less frequently than others, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t ever occur.
The next form of violence is Terroristic Violence (TV) or Instrumental Violence. This form is most often performed by men (although women can take part in TV as well). The purpose of this form is intimidation, control, and punishment. This violence is often sudden and with little to no clear indication as to why the violence is taking place. TV is one of the more severe types of violence and can result anywhere from a single punch, strangling, sever beating or death. Abusers who use Terroristic Violence have no sense of responsibility, empathy or remorse for their actions, as they believe that the violence was deserved.
The moral of this post is to educate and encourage those who have seen/ experienced violence to speak up and to break the cycle. No person is worth your health, safety, and wellbeing. No violence against you is justified, and it is never your fault. You are not alone.
PS Thank you to Universal Life Church for use of their image for this post.