How do I tell people about what happened

hey there, 

just looking for some advice here. I lived with an abusive father and I was experiencing domestic violence for about 2 or 3 years, until my parents finally separated. I was 19 at that time and I moved to Canada only a few months after they split up (I'm originally from Europe). I came here to play college hockey and hopefully get over all those things my father did to my family. Well, that hasn't quite happened yet. 

I wasn't the target of the violence, but somehow I got dragged into whatever was going on between my parents. My father would emotionally and physically abuse my mom and he didn't care about what I heard or saw. And I heard and saw a lot of things. Both, me and my brother, were neglected by our father and he said some bad things to us, too. He also hit me but only once if I remember it correctly. What I'm sayin is that the most frustrating thing for me was witnessing all those things he did to my mom. 

And I never told anyone. After they separated, I thought I would just get over it, but I never did. Something has changed. I feel detached from people and I have trouble trusting them and I can't imagine being in a relationship. I can't sleep at night when my roommates are around because even a little noise gets me startled, just like back then when I lived with my parents. The memories keep coming back when I don't want them to come back. And I still didn't tell anyone, until last year when I couldn't stand it anymore, so I started seeing a counsellor at school. The sessions with her helped me a little bit in some way, but I feel like it's not enough. I feel like I need to let other people know, too. My teammates and friends and coaches. But I'm super scared. I'm scared of what they will think or say, and I'm scared that they will judge me. I'm scared that they will say that I'm just overreacting. I'm scared that they will think I'm doing it just for attention. If I tell someone, what if they'll be like "okay but why are you telling me this? Just get over it dude." But at the same time, I've been holding this back for way too long and I'm tired of it. I want my team to understand why I am the way I am sometimes. 

So my question is... is it a good idea to tell people even though it's been a few years? And if it is, how do I let my team know? This is just super scary for me...

Thanks for any advice. 

Original Post


Thank you for joining our website and sharing your experience. I’m sure that wasn’t easy and it took a lot of courage to open up to us. I apologize that you had to go through that. Are you in a safe place? What you’re feeling is perfectly normal and it’s going to take time to trust people again. I’m glad that you took care of yourself and went to counseling. Telling people and not knowing how they might react can be a scary thing. I would suggest you to join our chat room here at for support. Our chat rooms is a safe place where people go into for guidance and support on their journey towards healing. Its a place where you could deal and talk about what happen to you.

Hello VERCA, 

Yes, as moderator 8 mentions the chat rooms here at Yesican are a safe place for you to speak up. Speaking up is not easy for many people however it is a step. Also, if anyone in the forums has gone through a similar experience it would be very helpful to share how you are doing and what you did. 

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