Looking for Legal Suggestions

I am new and there were a lot of rules to read, and I am running out of time. I will simply post what I emailed a lawyer today.

Basics (facts, not the emotional):
Me, living in NC for over a decade from Mass. Have three kids with exwife (we are on good terms).
Current wife came here on K-1 visa from Philippines. Dated online for 2.5 years prior. We married within 90 days (July 2016). Now K1 expired.
No SSN because SSA screwed up her last name.
No AOS (for green card and legal living here) due to funds. Basically, without me she is not legal to stay in America anymore.
After months and months of verbal abuse against me and kids (mine, not hers or ours), her threats, minor physical attacks, her tearing apart the home, and finally the kids done being scared of her, she has been removed. On a night in April, after much of her threats, insult to me and kids (while they were here), and a physical assault against me (some scratches the police saw on me), she was arrested on domestic assault. She had a minor hearing that she faces 60 days of jail. After she kept calling even though she had the no contact, and still putting threats of ruining my life, I got help from InterAct and got a 10 day protection order. Then we went to court for that protection order to increase to a year, but because of our "complicated" situation, the judge granted six months. The thing with that is she twisted the truth a bit, claimed she never saw the scratches, and had two "witnesses" who were not even here that night but two days later to get her stuff because I did not want my wife near me or the kids anymore. I did not think of it at the time but how were they witnesses? Also, when the judged asked her about the night she was arrested, the first words out of her mouth was about something my ex did over a year ago! Always about the ex my wife has issues with and will always bring her up in a fight with me.
You see, I went to these two court things alone. No support. No lawyers because I can not afford one, but people say I do not need one being the victim, but clearly I did that 2nd time. All I kept asking her to do was get some help for her anger, jealousy (over the ex for whatever reason that is in her mind), and even against the kids. She may have bipolar or something.
Now she has to face the charges June 1st.
One, I do not know if I have to go. If I do, I got no support again and be all alone to face her, and I fell apart the last two times.
Two, I do not want her in jail. I told the DA this in a voicemail and also been written on the paper they gave me.
Three, I am not going to pay for her AOS if we are getting a divorce. I am not going to support her staying in this country on my money while she may date other guys in the future.
Four, she told me she be happier back in the Philippines with her family, which I rather see happen at this point since the kids are never allowed to see her again even if she got help because where is the proof if she has no contact with me for six months?
Five, I want to protect myself from any of her threats. She may have told the pastor she wants to move on and not hurt me, but she even told him once she will lie to get me in trouble. One of her threats is that she will get me and the ex (again with the ex) in trouble so the "kids can starve."
Six, since she already makes herself the victim on Facebook, Skype, and in the court room that day for the protection order, she may (or already has) will do the VAWA thing and claim to be the victim just to stay in America. She always told me America meant nothing to her. Only I did, but seems that not true anymore.
So, as you can see I got these and many more questions and no help. Sadly, I see a divorce in the future but that is a year according to NC. I rather see her be with her family than in jail or here fulfilling her threats against me and the kids.
Where can I get help? Again, I have so much to deal with and not a cent to pay anyone for their time.

What can/should I do? I love her and miss her so much, but do not want to live under that control and manipulation anymore. She refuses to get help (last she told me) and my kids never allowed near her again. Logically, do I have faith in her and wait, or work on letting her go and do everything I can to protect myself emotionally, financially... and anything else ending in -ly.

If anyone knows how some of my questions above could be worked out, please let me know.

Original Post


Thank you for joining our website site and sharing your story. You are so brave to be able to talk about this as so often men do not, and you coming forward might help other men to start to share  about their abuse. One’s personal safety must take precedence over whether the abuser has a green card or not. You need to take the steps to become safe. I would recommend you to go to our domestic violence page and read the information. Also I provide you with a website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/ and the number is 1-800-799-SAFE(7233). It is not your responsibility to stay so that she can have a green card. Here is a website that is going to help you http://www.malesurvivor.org/index.php. I would also suggest to look into this website www.1in6.org. I would encourage you to join our chat room here at yesican.org for support.

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